I was dreaming of the monster when I missed the call. I was too well in to wake up. She was trying to give me a motorized boat. I remember it was partially orange and I told her I wasn’t sure I could drive it. I was just so used to paddling.
She had just given it to him when the dream shifted. He was always her favorite. We were sitting in a theater at that point, and I was in the middle. There was a line of starving children to our left. I remember telling her that they needed food. She threw them a piece of popcorn.
We were staring at a blank screen in between shows when he put his hand on my knee. She knew he was molesting me but she sat there and she said nothing. I sat there as well, unflinching and resentful, knowing that she knew.. and I was angry that she wouldn’t feed the children. I was thinking how he was still her favorite when I woke up.
When I finally returned the call, I was still sleepy. My friend Walking Bear told me he had seen a seagull, wing folded over as if broken and tilted to the right. He thought it was for me. I told him that I had never worked with seagull but that I would sit with it. He said he thought that it was more about the wing. It wasn’t until later, sitting with my card draw, that it occurred to me.. apparently more shadow work was needed.
My new moon card was all about women and sisterhood. I had just spoken with a fellow witch on the struggles of knowing where to put your trust. It is not an uncommon problem, sadly. I am just now healing enough to approach such relationships.. maybe.
I am leaning heavily toward cautious, anyway.. there is so much backhanded in the world, not that I am innocent. I learned from the best after all. I intend to break this cycle of non support. I realized then why the wing was broken, what the monster stole from me long ago.. my trust in my own.